Originally written on May 9, 2011
Only a day after graduating college, feelings of uncertainty and loneliness began to surface. I was at the beach, a few hours away from home, and was feeling homesick… surprisingly (I never get homesick that quickly). I missed all my friends already and the realization that “moving forward” as the next task was a bit intimidating.
Shortly before those feelings would soon overwhelm me and infect the peace I’ve already possessed, there was only once place I knew to go where someone would be able to take those feelings away. As late as it was in the evening, no one could stop me from driving to see Jesus in the Most Blessed Sacrament. (Gotta love Perpetual Adoration. Shout out to: http://www.therealpresence.org/chap_fr.htm) And in the instant I set foot in the chapel, nothing seemed to matter anymore because I was with Him. I was in the Presence of my God.
As I got up to leave, the peace that was already imprinted on my heart was made visible to me again.
How was this made possible? Because I believed it. I believed that He could restore my peace. I believed that if I went out to be in His Presence and offered up my feelings of uncertainty and loneliness, He would take them away and remind me of the trust I must place in Him daily. I’m still at the point of not knowing for sure where I’ll be in a next few months, but I have a God who is always present. I have a God who is readily waiting for me to turn to Him in these moments where He can satisfy me.
The next day I came across a quote from a book I’m currently reading (How fitting?!):
“See what a life of love is established between Jesus and us in such union. I need to have constant recourse to Him, but He is always there, and my need for Him is always satisfied. Jesus purifies us each moment, but we must desire it with an immense desire and believe in it.” (from I Believe in Love)
I am alive. I am restored to You; I lift up my life. Where the road will go who knows, but I will trust in You. Jesus, I am confident in You.
Lord Jesus, increase my faith!