It’s been over two weeks now since Jonathan and I got to share the news of our engagement to all our family and friends. Since the glorious feast of St. Joseph the Worker (aka our engagement day), we’ve seriously experienced an overflow of love and support. Lots of Easter joy, lots of happy tears, and lots of storytelling. Yesterday I finally had the joy of sharing with my high school teens about the proposal story in-person. And this evening, we had our first pre-Cana (or rather, pre-Pre-Cana meeting), which was so great. I can’t even begin to describe how blessed we are and how God has been blessing our journey from the very beginning, time together and apart throughout these past 12 years. Jon and I look forward to share in this incredible Sacrament that we are so strongly called to and we both desire to share God’s goodness in our relationship, especially as we continue walking towards marriage.
I’m feeling a bit nostalgic at the moment, mostly due to the fact that Marymount University is taking group on pilgrimage to the Holy Land next week. The first time around was when my parents and I had the opportunity to go in May 2010. This 10-day trip to the holiest places in the world changed my entire life forever (not an exaggeration) because it was on this pilgrimage where I took the first step to my Vocation, in great confidence. I took the plunge into God’s plans for my life, freely and completely.
This nostalgia has prompted me to read over former prayer journals of mine during that pilgrimage. To help put the rest of this post somewhat into context, during this pilgrimage I was really trying to move forward in life without Jon in it, which I committed to doing on the final days of the trip (a story good for another blog post). During my walk in the footsteps of Jesus, His disciples, and earliest Christians, I continually struggled with my calling (vocation & Vocation). It’s funny, though, looking back; it’s like down in the deepest recesses of my heart I knew.
“…I wanted to stop thinking about how Jon and I will never be together again, but that would be a lie. I honestly feel as if I am supposed to wait for him, that I would help him with his life, and that I would love him in a way I’ve never loved him before…if I have the opportunity in the future, of course…
Lord, I know that I am to fall more and more in love with You and grow during this waiting period, I know that it is through Your love and grace that I can get through this. I have forsaken You time and time again and it’s time I stop this. It’s time I suffer with You, for You, and to console You. In my life, right now, I thirst for souls to love You! I just want them to know how much You love them! And the only way for me to be able to share Your great love for us is through giving myself entirely to You and to others…and eventually to my future spouse; to help him grow, to encourage him to always seek You. All of this can only happen through and by a strong foundation of faith, love, and utter trust in You. If I have all of these then I know I’ll be ready to put my guard down and open my heart up to Jon, again…
Maybe he isn’t my perfect guy now, but deep down inside I know he will be the best man for me if we are really called by God to marriage. And the love he will have for me then will make my heart only want to love Him even more deeply. I want us to go to Heaven. I want Heaven for him.”
WRITTEN ON MAY 18, 2010 • CHURCH OF THE VISITATION, EIN KAREM
Like I said, it’s as if I knew, but it simply wasn’t our time yet. God was working on us separately and molding us into the man and woman we needed to become first. Now…quick fast forward to May 19, 2014. Here we are: engaged to be married. Oh, Lord…how You love us!
All of these years have been preparing us for this.
Stay tuned, all. More to come of this… #journeytocana